


miracle does exist (and you're mine)

by Laeana



Series: built our house on glory (2020 podium) [17]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Boys Kissing, Forgotten Promise, Friendship/Love, Getting Together, Helmet Swap, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:34:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28264746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laeana/pseuds/Laeana
Summary: Broken promise isn't what breaks your heart.(but love yes.)
Relationships: Daniel Ricciardo/Max Verstappen
Series: built our house on glory (2020 podium) [17]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1833505
Comments: 2
Kudos: 45





	miracle does exist (and you're mine)

Max isn't the type of person to easily fall for empty promises. He is straight, honest, grounded in reality, since his father saw fit to reframe him in his very childhood.

He was even sometimes criticized for lacking belief, with a certain disinterest. After all, what's the point of hoping for a situation to happen ? No, we must act to make it happen, we must do everything to bring it to fruition. Actions will determine the outcome, not faint hope.

It's been almost the same all his life. And anyway it was so painful to think any other way that it was easier that way, to do things honestly, almost bluntly.

But it's always so different when it comes to Daniel.

He's not sure if they had anything when they were both at Red Bull. There was a kind of tension between them but above all a limit that should not be exceeded, which has never been exceeded. That of friends at most. There was so much potential that he let slip through his fingers.

He was terribly afraid, so afraid that he couldn't act ; go forward. He could only be killed by surely childish dreams. He had the biggest possible disappointments on that side. On the love side. A relationship that was never born but that he still regrets, how strange. 

He has this way of always being held between fragile hopes and failed ideals with Daniel. Because he makes him want so much better and so much more that it almost feels out of hand.

He can only love him.

Love him beyond all limits. He always knew that if it was Daniel, his feelings would be just as disproportionate. He's the kind of man who can't be half-loved, he's either given everything or nothing at all. There is no in-between, no other scenarios and what's wrong with that.

He's been waiting too long to tell himself it's not possible. That the Aussie would have shown interest a long time ago if so. Then-

Then there are the small actions, the small gestures that keep him alive. 

Covid season, contrasting season. He doesn't know what he was expecting. It's both worse and better than he imagined. Sometimes, he even manages to be closest to Daniel, to share flights, car trips, a podium …

The message before Abu Dhabi arrives like a flower on his phone. He doesn't expect it. He's a little busy, releasing his documentary soon, and they haven't really talked at the moment. Not much.

Daniel  
  
Helmet swap in Abu Dhabi ?  
  


A smile is placed on his lips. Better auspices still he assumes.

Daniel  
  
Only if you want to, mate  
  
With you, I would always want it ;)  
  


* * *

It's a good weekend but it's the last of the season. Maybe now is the time to wrap up all these stories. There is a way to put an end to all these ideas that he put aside, because he was too afraid to make bad choices.

Max is feeling good.

It's weird to say. His documentary is soon ready and he saw the finished work and admired several scenes, a wave of affection overwhelming him. His birthday that he had spent next to Daniel. They weren't alone, of course, but he’s still a constant in his life. He doesn't want to think about losing him.

It would hurt him way too much.

Their interactions are always so precious in his eyes, a cumulus of shared scenes. Rooms, planes, trips. He's tried to be less subtle, but he's apparently not the best at flirting, too bad.

He tried. To send more ambiguous messages, to let his touches linger on the body of his former teammate. If the covid didn't ruin everything, he's sure he could have gotten even better situations.

Unfortunately, it’s not the case, so he is content with what he gets. From the shoulder Daniel lets him sleep on as they still share a trip together.

But hey. 

It’s strange to say. He feels like the season has been so long and so short at the same time. He would have liked to enjoy it more, but he is also happy to finally have a little rest. He feels exhausted inside. Softer than usual.

He has the pole in his hands. A trick that he managed to get out of, he doesn't know where. It's enough, he feels light again. He maintains a courteous conversation with Lewis and hesitates for a moment to ask him if he is okay. He's holding back on himself, of course he's not in great shape, he's coming back from covid. 

He thinks this weekend can be good in a lot of ways. He doesn't think he's taking too many risks, anyway there is no longer any stake. 

A congratulatory message awaits him when he picks up his phone. Daniel is in a good mood apparently. He thanks him and their conversation turns to more trivial topics, like his nephew. He can't wait to meet him, yes.

It has never been easier for him to fall asleep than after a conversation with the Aussie.

* * *

On the verge of aligning everything. Max wants to tease Daniel a bit, because what a bastard to steal him the fastest lap at the very end. He wants to see him, above all else. He wants to talk to him. Maybe to end this stupid crush.

And if that doesn't work, he will have the winter break to heal his esteem and his heart.

Winning the last race of the season anyway … it really amuses him. He tastes champagne one last time, on the top step of the podium, and would almost have a retrospective of the season parading before his eyes. A lot has happened, he’s not even sure to be legitimate to be the one to decide to end it.

Interviews, the last of this kind. So many things that end instantly. Comings and goings, the same game of musical chairs, again and again. He wonders if there are regrets, stuck somewhere in their throat, tears in the corners of their eyes that never come as they say goodbye to each other, the same feeling that rose in his chest watching Daniel turn his back at him, two years ago ...

Two years ... time flies so quickly.

He finally got dressed, looking for the Aussie in the paddock. He has no trouble finding him, not yet changed, between Mclaren and Renault. 

“Max !” Daniel's face is soft as he sees him.

There is hardly anyone around them and even if it is not recommended, he allows himself to come and hug the older one. The latter doesn’t say much, content to tighten the embrace. Maybe he shouldn't have done this when he's clean, but whatever. He needs it and it almost seems like Daniel needs it just as much as he does.

They stay in this position until a stream of team members pass and they hastily break away, almost embarrassed, ashamed. He licks his lips.

“What are you doing after this race, Dan ?”

“Oh uh … I'm going to Fabio's. He asked me to swap helmets with him, so I go to him. Why ?”

He bites his lip a little hard to keep a derogatory remark from coming out. He feels bad. He really believed … he doesn't quite know. That it mattered to him too ? He was already happy to hand him his helmet, he thought more than once of a word he could leave on him, using a marker.

It hurts. It hurts because Daniel doesn't even seem to remember it, care. He feels betrayed. All this happens too quickly in him and he wants to prevent his discomfort from being visible, he doesn’t need to put on a show. He just wants to be left alone for now. His ambitions collapse like a house of cards.

He takes a deep breath. He has already succeeded more than once in camouflaging what he felt, he wonders if he is not now a master in this art. Maybe too arrogant of him to think so. He composes a smile on his lips, clenches his fists to avoid any trembling.

“I wanted us to go back to Monaco together, but no big deal. So, I'm going to go. Bye, Dan.”

“Bye, Max …”

Daniel seems almost surprised to be left so quickly but as soon as Max turns away, he feels like he wants to run away. He feels stupid, so stupid. His pride keeps him from shedding tears but he is in real pain. It's hard to contain them.

But it's not the first time he's felt this way.

He left room for doubt because he was really high but his memories are not fuzzy enough. To find out what happened on his birthday. Not on the plane, but after Daniel carefully drove him home. Still gentle attention.

He had kissed him before stepping out, leaving him behind without another word, his muddled mind not even having the means to understand why it was the sort of thing not to do.

A soft kiss, the taste of the expensive wine Daniel was drinking on his lips.

And never talk about it again of course.

He shortens the party as much as possible and reserves the first flight he finds for Monaco. He wants to be a little at home, to spend time alone before having the opportunity to go see his sister and his nephew. This prospect allows him to have a smile on his face, despite the tears beginning to spill from his eyes.

If Daniel sends him more messages and even tries to call him later, he doesn't respond to anything.

* * *

Max managed to last a week, carefully avoiding Daniel. Living that close is not practical, but he has started to pack his bags. He almost finished everything he needed to take care of. 

Daniel's Instagram post only rekindled a pain.

These are probably just jokes but still. Although he won’t admit it, he spent the first two days almost entirely in bed, crying a little too much for his liking. 

He still feels sad, a little empty, but now he doesn't have to externalize so much. He’s just fine. His documentary is out, that's it. The gears are on. How long before people finally realize that he is once again too close to Daniel in the few videos where they are seen together ?

It terrifies him sometimes. He is afraid of a misstep, of a wrong word. He doesn't want it to stick to his skin. 

One week.

Then the bell at his door.

He'll open without really thinking about it, maybe he got a good night's sleep, for the first time. He is in shorts and in a faded hoodie, he had a phone conversation with his sister and wrapped the present for his nephew. A quiet day … 

Daniel is behind the door and he looks angry. The kind of cold anger he's not sure he really likes.

“Can I enter ?”

Probably the fastest way to dig his own grave but he nods and takes care to close behind them. To give yourself a little more time.

“What's going on, Max ? Honestly tell me if you have something against me, if I did anything to make you angry, because I really don't understand what's going on !”

Maybe a little clueless. Too. He finds it hard to look the Aussie in the eye, because he feels an annoyance gradually rising in him. But he doesn't want to start an argument. He keeps his mouth shut and shrugs.

“Max …”

A slow threat, a warning. He forces himself to look elsewhere.

“Doesn't our friendship even matter to you ? Damn, Max, I can't guess if you're telling me anything. I need to know the reason. Why are you ignoring me ? When we were close again …”

A sniff escaped him. He has enough. He preferred to be silent to avoid making the situation worse, but he is so tired of running away, of hiding.

“Don't use the friendship argument ! You have no right to do it. Do you want to know what is wrong with me ? It's your fucking attitude, Daniel. You don't care about anything and everyone, I've been blind about that, that's all.”

“So now it's my attitude that's the problem ? You had plenty of time in the world to realize this before, make better excuses.”

It's cold. Daniel glares at him, but there is some concern. Always. They'll never really stop caring about each other, that's not possible.

“You made me a promise.” he answers, panting, he hadn't even noticed that they had gotten so close during the argument, he almost feels the Aussie’s breath on his lips. “And you preferred to fly to Fabio rather than honor it.”

Daniel has a moment of confusion before he understands what he is talking about and in his eyes shines a burst of guilt and then his gaze falls on his lips. They are close, too close. There is silence in the room.

A flash.

He doesn’t know who takes the first step but soon they kiss and Daniel's hands are on his body and they set off to explore. Tongue against tongue. His back soon against the wall of his living room. He lets out an audible moan, he finds it hard to believe what's going on. They are breathless when they separate and don't seem to want to come off so soon.

His Aussie cups his face between his two hands and continues to look at him as if he is the eighth wonder of the world. It takes his breath away.

“I'm sorry, Max, I'm an idiot, I totally forgot.”

“And what was that kiss for ?” he asks, half-heartedly.

“Because even though I'm an idiot, I don't delay the inevitable. It was something I wanted to do for a long time, I just feel lucky you didn't kick me out of your apartment.”

“Oh yeah ?” and a smile blooms on his lips.

“Yeah.”

He leans forward to capture the mouth in front of him once more. Daniel's arms slide around him, wrapping him in a soft embrace. He sighs as the older one deposits a trail of kissing down his cheek.

“I promise I will do it with you next year.”

“Will you even remember it ?”

“You … okay, that’s deserved, I admit it.” Daniel mumbles, though he still looks a little offended.

“Come here.”

Max is asking for more. No more kisses, no more of those warm touches. He has the impression of finally having everything he always wanted and he would like to let himself be drowned, carried away by this feeling. He feels good, really good, and it may be strange, trivial, but love seems to soothes him, deep down. 

“What made you come ?” he finally asks, curious.

“Oh, I …” Daniel looks almost a little embarrassed “I saw your documentary. I've watched it. And there was ... there was that moment on the plane. Let's say it brought back memories.”

“You responded to my kiss that day.”

“Because I was already crazy about you that day.”

He blinks, surprised. The heart immediately warmed. They're both idiots, apparently. He can't believe it, again. A voice in his head repeating the same tune to him but he will silence it until it disappears. 

For the moment, he is content to spend the end of the season in Daniel's arms and that is more than enough for him.

**Author's Note:**

> I guess this is how I end this series. And somehow the season. What a season it has been, innit ?  
> Maxiel seemed logical for me to end this and since it's settled right before Christmas, I wanted to post on the day, as a gift for all of you. I have another one set for tomorrow, so I hope you'll like it too :)
> 
> I hope you liked this part and even more, this series. Thanks for having read.
> 
> Happy Christmas Eve !
> 
> tumblr : laeana


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